he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
