bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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