Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
