I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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