I'm laying in your front yard are you home
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize