she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
