We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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