I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i think my tv is drunk
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
