We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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