great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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