you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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