Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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