I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
