So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
