does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
