Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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