I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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