You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
