I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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