how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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