Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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