I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
