hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
