I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
