i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
