so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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