Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
vagina is talking i cant
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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