Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Drake has all the answers
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
