Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
