The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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