How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
