I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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