it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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