She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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