is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
