We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
