also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
