I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
