I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
