I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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