John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I came so hard my ears popped.
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