Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
