my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
