is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You are a genius and a whore.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize