i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize