I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
