see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
