His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize