first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
