I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
