recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
