Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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