so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she looked like the before picture.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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