i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We left an ass print on the piano.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
