Where did you get a picture of my penis
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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