So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
