someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
