It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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