In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize