I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
