respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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