he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We have so much sex to catch up on
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
