On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize