Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
