Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
