My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
