I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
