Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
