She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
