remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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