Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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