I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
