I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize